Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Freedom and Responsibility (What Having a Family Teaches Us)

I haven’t been particularly active in maintaining things here over the last few weeks. Truth be told, since we brought our twin boys home my blog has been the least of my priorities. Of all the things that can take my time, recording my various thoughts for public perusal is nowhere near first in line. Actually, it’s amazing what gets left aside when new babies enter your home and your life. More amazing, is what gets done!

Life gets re-prioritized when you have a family. Whether you’re talking about your use of money or time or energy, it all gets re-arranged when children enter your life. When I was single, my time was largely my own. I could spend more money on myself, and I don’t just mean on luxuries. Even once I was married, I still had a relative degree of freedom—my wife and I enjoyed that freedom together. Perhaps ironically, we ourselves willingly threatened that freedom when we chose to start a family.

There’s nothing quite like having a family—filling your home with a spouse and kids—to gradually knock the selfishness out of you. Seems to me that this is why God created us for relationship, to orient us in the direction of his creative intent. We aren’t naturally geared to care for others more than ourselves—though we can be socialized and educated to this end, there is always a part of us, that without God changing us from within, which will remain more likely to pursue and seek self-interest.

Even now, I have occasions when I experience frustration as a parent, when all I want is to take care of myself—or have someone else take care of me for a change! I find that in moments when things are piling up, the kids are fussing or crying, there is a ton of housework to do, and I still have work at the church to finish that I become impatient. My own desires—that longing for seeking my wants and needs—push themselves to the surface, and I have to be more deliberate and intentional about pushing them back.

I read recently that not only should we ask how do the children we raise turn out, but how do the parents turn out? That is, in becoming parents, we who do have kids are also forced to grow up in having them. This isn’t only true of people who are still children themselves when they become parents. It’s true of all parents. Yes, our children do learn from us. But, boy, do we ever learn from them: about life, about them, about faith, and about ourselves. And since my boys are only a few months old, and my daughter only four, I guess that means I still have a lot to learn!

2 comments:

Zirbert said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zirbert said...

You're absolutely right about a family (specifically, kids) knocking the selfshness out of you. My son's birthday is coming up soon, and he recently expressed an interest in a specific toy. Not a demand, not a plea, but an interest. So, I went looking for it. Couldn't find it, despite looking all over my small town (and having envoys check in others). I eventually got one off eBay, and it should arrive in time.

The point is this: he wants this toy, so I want it for him. Simple as that. The search time and expense (admittedly, neither was burdensome) are almost irrelevant. His wants are far more important to me than my own. That's a shift I would not have predicted before becoming a parent. Fortunately, that's how God made (most of) us, and so I never even noticed when it happened.

-Zirbert