Summer Vacation Here We Come!

Just posting a short note to let you all know that I'll be logging off and offline for a few weeks. We're going on vacation today and I'm dropping the computer off for some technical assistance, namely, to have the sound card checked.

We're going tenting for nearly a week, spending time visiting family and friends, and staying at my in-laws camp. Should be good. Should be relaxing. Wait! I have three kids! One is four and the other two are infant twins! Are we crazy to be traveling like this! Should maybe think of having my head examined! Nah! Should be alright, right? What could possibly go wrong?

Anyway, once we get back I'll again try and post more on this blog. I've been mildly negligent lately. Not for lack of topics or ideas, but for lack of time. Until later, though, this blog will be empty of fresh input and thoughts.

Freedom and Responsibility (What Having a Family Teaches Us)

I haven’t been particularly active in maintaining things here over the last few weeks. Truth be told, since we brought our twin boys home my blog has been the least of my priorities. Of all the things that can take my time, recording my various thoughts for public perusal is nowhere near first in line. Actually, it’s amazing what gets left aside when new babies enter your home and your life. More amazing, is what gets done!

Life gets re-prioritized when you have a family. Whether you’re talking about your use of money or time or energy, it all gets re-arranged when children enter your life. When I was single, my time was largely my own. I could spend more money on myself, and I don’t just mean on luxuries. Even once I was married, I still had a relative degree of freedom—my wife and I enjoyed that freedom together. Perhaps ironically, we ourselves willingly threatened that freedom when we chose to start a family.

There’s nothing quite like having a family—filling your home with a spouse and kids—to gradually knock the selfishness out of you. Seems to me that this is why God created us for relationship, to orient us in the direction of his creative intent. We aren’t naturally geared to care for others more than ourselves—though we can be socialized and educated to this end, there is always a part of us, that without God changing us from within, which will remain more likely to pursue and seek self-interest.

Even now, I have occasions when I experience frustration as a parent, when all I want is to take care of myself—or have someone else take care of me for a change! I find that in moments when things are piling up, the kids are fussing or crying, there is a ton of housework to do, and I still have work at the church to finish that I become impatient. My own desires—that longing for seeking my wants and needs—push themselves to the surface, and I have to be more deliberate and intentional about pushing them back.

I read recently that not only should we ask how do the children we raise turn out, but how do the parents turn out? That is, in becoming parents, we who do have kids are also forced to grow up in having them. This isn’t only true of people who are still children themselves when they become parents. It’s true of all parents. Yes, our children do learn from us. But, boy, do we ever learn from them: about life, about them, about faith, and about ourselves. And since my boys are only a few months old, and my daughter only four, I guess that means I still have a lot to learn!

Random Thoughts On Life Right Now

Let’s see, what are things like lately?

Well, we’ve had lots of broken sleep on account of the boys. I can feel the effects of sleep deprivation. Thankfully, the last two nights have been a fair bit better, but this is probably not the beginning of a pattern. I can hope though!

Our house—where do I begin? I’ve almost given up on trying to keep up with housework. Clutter punctuates every room, some worse than others. Baby stuff is everywhere. Some is organized, some is simply there. No sooner do we straighten a room out then it’s back to its original state. Makes me pretty hesitant about opening our house to company, especially when clutter covers furniture, leaving precious few places for people to sit!

And yet.

There are two little creatures that have invaded our homes, our lives, and our hearts. Both are unique. Neither is like the other. Their differences are pretty clear. These two boys—Henry and Eli—are unspeakably amazing. Even I can’t fully appreciate their beauty. They evoke wonder. I have two sons! Isn’t that a crazy thought?

Adjustment remains. Our little girl has definitely been feeling the stress of having two infant siblings taking time and attention and energy away from her. She’s not really the jealous type—her feelings come out in other ways: frustration, disobedience, strong-headedness, asserting herself. But still, she’s been an amazing big sister. In fact, she’s an amazing little girl: full of feelings, thoughtful and smart, a silly tease.

And then there’s my wife, more attached to the boys then either Ella or I. I mean that pretty much in a literal sense since she’s nursing. She handles the varying moods and fusses of these two little boys with astounding grace and love. While it’s not always easy pulling yourself out of bed in the middle of the night to care for them, not once have I heard her complain. Motherhood comes as naturally to her as breathing. Very much deserving of a break for all that she does—course, I’m deathly afraid of being left with all three kids at this point!

Me? Not as tired as I was for the first half of the week. Wishing we had a cleaner, neater house. Looking forward to getting into more of a routine as a family. I confess sometimes my patience is not as deep as that of my wife’s. Over these last couple of weeks, it’s been strained a few times. Lack of sleep doesn’t affect me in pleasant ways.

With new kids in the home, it’s astonishing how much time it takes to just take care of them. It’s not a surprise that so little housework gets done. When much of your time is consumed by feeding, cleaning, changing, soothing, holding, settling down, and otherwise being with your new sons (still a thought that has yet to fully hit me, I think!), doing dishes, laundry, sweeping floors(much less mopping them!), dusting, organizing clutter, etc. become luxury items in the catalogue of life.

Oh well. At some point you do have to let go. At some point I have to let go; that is, I have to let go of my relatively obsessive need to clean house. I have to relinquish control. I have to admit to defeat—I can’t do it all, at least not without driving myself nuts. To gain more, I have to be satisfied with less.

Since Spring is now here and the weather and our days are beginning to reflect this seasonal truth more frequently, we can start getting out more as a family (though it takes the better part of a day to get us ready to go out!). We’ve got a nifty double stroller for the twins, a tricycle for our girl, and feet for us. And this is important—it can get a little claustrophobic when you’re a family of five in our house! I’m just grateful the thaw has begun.

And what else? People at our church have been generous and supportive, especially since they haven’t even met the boys yet! Being preemies, we’ve sort of kept them under wraps and limited human contact. I’d have had them at church the first week home if possible—but I wisely listen to my wife. Hopefully on Easter Sunday will be the first occasion for going to church as a family again.

All of this is part of the process. This is life. Frustration usually occurs when I fail to accept the unchangeable or the inevitable, when things aren’t how I would like them to be. But how I would like things to be isn’t always possible. Truth is, I have so much to be thankful for and can so easily forget that. Isn’t that bizarre? I have two new sons, yet there are moments when I forget to be grateful for simply that. Lord, have mercy.

Anyway, this is it for now. Time to end the rambling. Time to move on for the rest of the day, like breakfast, being with family, maybe listening to Stuart MacLean and the Vinyl Cafe on CBC. Later I will be finishing my sermon (nearly done!) and getting a couple of other things ready for church tomorrow. And perhaps at some stage, I will get at least a couple of rooms straightened up—and try not to feel too frustrated if that doesn’t happen!

Apneas, IVs, and Respirators

We had something of a scare with one of our new little boys this past weekend. Later on Saturday night we got a call that Henry, who’d already had to fight off one virus, had contracted another one. At that point they didn’t yet know what it was but he was having what are called apneas—moments when breathing stops. It’s not uncommon for premature babies to have it, but it is more unusual when a premature baby is already a month old or so. So he was put on a respirator, was put back on IV, and taken off breast milk. We were also told that they were going to re-culture earlier fluid samples from a spinal tap to check for meningitis. That was a scary thought. The fact is, if the NICU calls you about your kid, there’s usually reason for concern if not outright worry or fear.

So this all began to come down late on Saturday night; it was after 10pm when we got this call. My wife, understandably, wanted to go in immediately. But of course it was more complicated than that. It was late on a Saturday night—the night before Sunday, and being a pastor, I was supposed to assist in leading worship and preach the next day. We also have a four year old little girl. Waking her up late at night was not exactly a joyful prospect.

But once we decided to go in we had to get ourselves ready for a potential two or three days away depending on how things went with Henry. Once we had loaded the car, we quietly and gently woke Ella up. Well, we may have tried to be quiet and gentle, but that didn’t prevent her from protesting vehemently—at the top of her lungs—about being woken up and put in the car seat for a late night trip. Thankfully, her grand-parents are close, so that’s where we dropped her off. And thankfully once she was settled there, she fell asleep quickly.

I had already left a voice mail message with one of my deacons that they were going to have to have church without me, knowing they would understand. I called the next morning, after about four hours sleep, to confirm he got the message and to let him know any more details.

Needless to say, we were surrounded with prayer over these last few days. Wonderfully, Henry’s condition began to stabilize later on Sunday/early on Monday once he’d had enough of his respirator and tried to pull it out! Well, they left him off the respirator and he has needed it since. The apeas have not gotten serious again. Thank the Lord!

So now we’re home again. And I can tell you that while this will not be the last time one of my boys (or my girl!) will scare me, I can say that I will be very glad to have all my family home. That day will come, and not too soon.

Car seats and other preparations

I began this blog post about a week or so after the boys were born. I never got around to finishing it and in the interim have managed to get the car seats into our car, thankfully! Anyhow, I'm posting this now since I've been so lax the last few weeks. Enjoy!!

In a couple of days, I’m going to try and stuff two more infant car-seats in our current vehicle. They have to fit on either side of a larger car-seat. I’m keeping my fingers crossed, because having to get another vehicle would be a significant challenge for us. If we could manage, having a minivan would be ideal. Expanding from a family of three to a family of five definitely involves some major re-adjustment. Since our two boys—Henry and Eli—arrived as early as they did, we have a little time to get things ready before they come home with us.

There are other preparations, too, that need to happen before they get home. Shelves have to be put up. A crib has to be assembled. Rooms have to be re-arranged. Baby shower gifts have to be organized and put away. Baby clothes have to be sorted and washed. Such preparations are important so that the transition is as smooth as possible.

Now, of course, I have the distinct feeling that no matter how many preparations we make—all necessary and all good—we will never actually be prepared; that is, the very reality of having two more human beings in your home is never something you can be fully prepared for. Because people—even infant ones—are messy, unpredictable, and human. That this is so means that there are always things you can’t plan for, contingencies you can’t anticipate, and events that you can’t foresee.

I do like planning—I prefer to have things together. But the more more people are involved, the less likely I am to have things all together. I feel like even if I do get the house all ready for the boys, it won’t be long before all the work I did will look like it didn’t get done! That’s true of life generally—we do housework, for instance, only to have to do that very same housework again. In any case, you can never be as prepared as you would like or think you need to be for such huge life-changes—I guess that’s part of the fun!

Count Your Blessings: Part Two (and, apparently, Three!)

Yes, yes, it's been awhile . . . again . . . I can't say that I have any excuses -- I'm probably no busier than your average person. Perhaps I just need to be better organized with my time. In my defense, I tried to post a couple of days ago and my computer re-booted on its own. Frustrated, I put it off. So here I go again . . .

Last time I mentioned that my wife is pregnant. Well, she had an ultrasound about a week ago and -- lo and behold -- we received some shocking and exciting news: not only is my wife pregnant, but she is pregnant with twins! I must say, I was absolutely stunned; and then once the fact settled in, I became incredibly excited. At least one of the kids is a boy; the other one probably is, but he was "hiding." So in about four or five months we're going to go from being a family of three to a family of five. That'll be an adjustment!

The real blessing here is that we weren't even sure if we were going to have any more kids at all. Since Alisha was seriously depressed during her pregnancy with Ella, doctors actually advised us against it. I guess it was sort of a cost-benefit analysis. It was about weighing the risks. And then in the spring we had a pregnancy scare which made us reconsider the possibility. With much prayer, conversation, and contemplation, we decided to open ourselves to more kids -- though we thought that it would be, at least at first, one kid! When God blesses, sometimes he does so abundantly.

So we have a lot of preparation in the days ahead. And once the shock subsided, my wife and I realized that having twins was going to mean two new carseats, two cribs (eventually anyway), etc. All that said, we're still filled with joy. Now, being a parent and concerned husband, I'll be that much more relaxed when the twins have been successfully delivered and they and Mommy are healthy and well and home. Trepidation accompanies joy.

In weighing the risks of being open to having more kids, we found out we're having two which significantly raises the risks of the pregnancy, not to mention the risks of parenting! One set of risks has been exchanged for another. But I guess life is a risk -- to sound terribly cliche. Life wouldn't be full of much without risks. God blesses -- and richly -- but risks also come along for the ride. The catch is we can't receive blessings without also accepting the risks. Counting our blessings means also counting the costs. And right now I'm glad to be able to count both, because we're having boys!

Count Your Blessings: Part One

Life is full of blessings. Some blessings are in the form of people, some are things, some are experiences. Unfortunately, we often take these blessings for granted. We can so easily forget how blessed we are; our blessings, right in front of us, escape our view. This happens to me sometimes too. So to remind myself, and to share them with you (whoever you are!), I thought I'd list some of them here. Therefore, without any further adieu, let me begin to count my blessings.

This, folks, is my wife, Alisha. Here she is doing something she loves doing: reading. And here she is doing it at a place she loves: her parents' camp. Now, I can't even begin to imagine how big a blessing she has been to me. Whether through her intelligence, her sense of humour, her sense of adventure, or her faith she has made me more me. I think one of the most important things our husbands and wives do for us is to draw us more out of ourselves, help us to become more of who are meant by God to be. Alisha has definitely done this for me. She has been a source of strength and encouragement more times than I can count. And she has also challenged my comfort zones on plenty of occasions, bringing me on all kinds of adventures that I would have hardly embarked upon on my own. Of course, sometimes that means getting lost in the woods!

Aha. My little girl, Ella. My, my, it's hard to believe she'll turn four this October. She's smart, funny, creative, imaginative, has a great laugh, loves to tease, enjoys dancing, listens to all kinds of music from worship music to classical to U2 and Jars of Clay, and loves singing and will do so even when out in the yard by herself. While being a parent is not always easy, I can't imagine having it any easier than we do with Ella. She brings joy into our lives, and surprises us constantly with her ability to express herself. Her personality is a curious one. She absorbs knowledge and information at a breackneck pace. She is also sensitive and feels things deeply. And she's a lot of fun to be around! She reminds me of the importance of play.

This is Sharon. She's my mother-in-law. And she's been a huge blessing too. While I tease her mercilessly sometimes, it's not because any of those really mean mother-in-law jokes apply to her. We actually get along incredibly well. We talk a lot. We talk about books, music, and, quite often, have long, deep conversations about life, ministry, and faith. We share similar interests so much so that she sometimes says I'm more like her than either of her kids! In addition to all this, she's been and continues to be a tremendous support to me in my ministry in countless ways. Plus, she and my father-in-law live relatively close and so can babysit quite frequently!

Speaking of my father-in-law, this is him. This is Harold. He's the strong, silent, sometimes grumpy type. He's a man of the woods, of working and playing outdoors. He's a man of integrity, someone trustworthy, someone reliable. He's also a tease. I think that's where Ella gets it! He knows a lot more about cars than I do, so he helps us out when our car needs looking at. In a lot of ways, he's become the father I never had.

These are just some of the blessings in my life and, surprise, surprise, they're people! Isn't that the way? There are other important people, too, and I will get to them. But it's getting late now and I need to get to bed. So this has become part one of this post because I need the blessing of a comfortable bed and a good night's sleep.

Vacation: Part One and a Half

We just got back from a week of vacation on Saturday evening. Though the week was humid and downright wet at times, we still enjoyed our time at the camp. I managed to finish a couple of books -- a rarity these days! -- and we played a couple of new games, Boggle Jr. and Therapy, a few times. As you can probably guess Boggle Jr. is a game we bought for us and our three-year old, while Therapy is purely fun for adults. Once Ella did join us, and she got bored much more quickly than we did! She returned to playing with dinkie cars.

We're no longer on vacation but last night (Sunday night) we arrived at my Mom and Step-Dad's for my Mom's birthday. We definitely wanted to give her a specific surprise gift in person (more on that later!). So we stayed the night too since today is a stat holiday and because I usually take Mondays off anyway. We don't get to see my folks as often so it's nice to visit and have a little more time with them. Even as I type, the rest of them are playing Boggle Jr. together. And in the background is the newest Barenaked Ladies CD, Snacktime, their first kids album. Ella loves it! It's one of those rare kids albums that doesn't exhaust a parent's patience after the first or second listen.

We do have some more vacation time coming right after Baptist Convention Assembly (now called Oasis: Refreshment for the Journey). While this past week was nice, that will be the real vacation; we'll have two weeks that includes three Sundays off. Since the fall will be busy, I know our vacation will be much needed.

One of the things I mentioned to my in-laws while visiting with them this past week at their camp is that in my experience it takes time for vacation to set in. That is, it is easier to be on vacation physically than mentally. While I can be at the camp (or wherever) my mind can sometimes still be on work related matters. This is especially true since the line between ministry and personal faith is not always easy to separate. That's a topic for another time, however. So I pray that I will be able to truly get away: body, heart, mind, and soul. And I'm just grateful for times of rest, when I can take off my watch and kick back. I'm grateful that God has provided us with seasons in more ways than one.

This life which is not your own . . .

I'm pretty darn certain that God sometimes smiles and, yes, even laughs.

And I say this now because of the contrast between life as a I know it right now and life as I once knew it as a university student. You see, when I was a university student (a period of time which consumed most of my 20s), I was also single. But for a few odd dates and eventually getting engaged to the woman who is now my beloved wife during my last year at school, I was essentially quite monkish while pursuing the academic path. Of course, as I often joked with other single friends, it's one thing to voluntarily choose a monk-like vow of singleness, it's quite another to have it thrust upon you! And for much of that time it felt thrust upon me. Especially once I was working on a PhD (and thus working on the end of my 20s!), I really began to feel a longing to settle down and have a family -- of course, I would have to have at least one date, right? Anyway, though single, I was not altogether content with that circumstance.

Now as it happens life as a single student also had its perks. For instance, my time was my own. There was no one in my life who was making demands on my time and schedule. Apart from my obvious responsibilities as a grad student, I was free. Not to mention the fact that, technically, I had more expendable income. (Granted, most of that "income" was from student loans, a rather depressing and anxiety-inducing topic all its own deserving its own post-entry.) Ostensibly, some might say I had it made. Answerable to no one, I was a bachelor, a single guy in his late 20s who had all the time in the world.

Why did I hate it so much then? Well, like I said, I wasn't so crazy about being single.

Now, as a husband and a father, very little of my time is my own. My routines are largely determined by the responsibilities these relationships entail. Not to say that I resent this -- not at all! -- but simply to say that life then and now are very different. And the crazy thing is sometimes, at least once in awhile, I long for a time when I had more me time. I guess that's not so crazy. No doubt everyone feels that way on occasion. But I look back on my university years and envy, at least in part, the freedom I had. Therein lies the rub: I find myself now wishing for more of what I had then, even though then I wanted what I have now. Nuts, eh?

As much as I love my family, and I truly, deeply do, like anyone else I can experience that need for space, a space within which I can't hear -- or don't have to listen to -- the loud noises of my daughter and the sounds that are a part of family life. Nothing abnormal about that, I think. And truth be told, I hardly long to return to my student days. My goal is to have something in between the two.

But in thinking about the difference between my life then and my life now, I think my life now more clearly reflects on what God's will for our lives is. That is, he intends for us to be ensconced (great word, eh?) in relationships of sufficient depth and intimacy that we have our inherent selfishness squeezed out of us. To have all my time -- and indeed my life -- to myself is to deprive myself of experiences which draw me out of myself and closer to the other -- whether the otherness of people or the otherness of God.

Truth is, my life has never been and never will be my own. It doesn't matter whether I have one hour or ten hours of free me time in a given week, my life and my time are God's. It's hard to practice that sometimes, however. But married life and life as a father definitely provide solid training ground in that holy reality. Certainly, these aren't the only relationships where God can teach us and shape us and make us into who he wants us to be. They are where God has led me, I'm glad to say.

In the meantime, I do wonder if God laughs when, having received from him all I was longing for when a student, I find my longings momentarily regressing. Who knows? All I know is that I don't have much time to worry about it!

Chasing Butterflies

We all need to play sometimes. That's something my daughter, Ella, teaches me very well.

A number of weeks ago, on a beautiful Saturday, she and I were having fun outside playing catch, ball, chase, and run. Chase and run are very similar games, one involving running to see who is the fastest and the other involving who can run the fastest to a specific location! I try to let her win as much as possible. It's actually more fun that way!

Well, on this particular day while we were playing ball, I noticed a butterfly flying behind Ella. So I pointed this out to her. And no sooner did she see it then she began chasing it. I remember her saying something like, "Daddy, let's get it!" And in her mind, this is not an altogether unrealistic goal! (She once caught a chicken when someone told her she couldn't, so there is precedent! That story will have to wait.) But of course she didn't get catch the butterfly; however, she really had a good time chasing it.

I find it particularly cool how my little girl can get lost in useless play and take me along with her. Obviously, there's no practical reason to chase butterflies (though I suppose it develops hand-eye coordination) and there needn't be one. Just chasing it, laughing all the while, is the point. That's what it's all about.

We adults don't always play very well. Everything has to have a practical reason or application. All grown up, we live often for utility. Rather than laugh with children at play, instead we laugh at children at play, at the fact that one day they too will have to put away childish things and grow up. But I'm not convinced anymore that play is childish -- though it is definitely child-like, and perhaps we need something of that in our lives more regularly.

There is something about time spent being child-like, either with children or without, in that it's only about time spent laughing, playing, having fun, and the sheer lack of utility found in joy. It's useless time in the best sense of the word. Splashing around in the pool with my three-year old girl has no further end than getting one another wet and finding ourselves giggling helplessly at our own hijnks.

Sometimes, I must confess, when I encounter some adults -- people my own age and older -- I find myself thinking now that they too could use a little more time chasing butterflies.

Screen-Time

This, I think, is the longest I've gone without posting since February. A combination of getting busy with other things, various distractions, etc., is the reason for my absence. Not that many out there were anxiously awaiting the uploading of any new reflections on my part. It's also summer, which means that life tends to take on a different sense of rhythm. We're trying, as a family, to enjoy more time together. For me, one of those crucial things enabling us to share such time are trips to one or other of the various beaches we have within driving distance. What I like about the beach is that there is nothing to do there except play in the sand with my daughter, watch my wife play in the sand with my daughter, read, maybe play guitar, and generally lie around, enjoy a cold drink, some snacks, and, most times, take the opportunity to video-tape snippets for our home movie collection.

We've also, as a family, made a new rule for the summer: reduced TV time. That is, we've all agreed to choose one video a week to watch. So far the day for videos is Friday. In case you think such a rule unrealistic, there are a few caveats: first, if Ella, our three year old, is visiting someone else, she's allowed to watch TV (say, at her grandparents' house). Second, if my wife and daughter are away for a day or two, daddy gets to watch TV. Though I still try to keep it to a minimum. Third, home movies are the exception. Within reason, we can have home movies on more often. This is good because over the last couple of weeks I've been transferring our homes movies to DVD.

What's surprising is that our little Ella hasn't found this discipline as challenging as I would have thought. You see, almost everyday she would watch a couple of videos. Moreover, it was often the first thing she would ask for when she woke up. "I want to watch a video," she would tell me. And on many occasions I would agree, if only to give myself more time to myself, to get breakfast, etc. And my wife and I also haven't found it terribly hard either. Only when they're not home for a couple of days, which happens with some regularity since my in-laws live reasonably close, do I give into the impulse to put an end to the uncomfortable silence that pervades the house with their absence. Yet even then, it's often not so much because I want to but out of habit or just because . . . like I said, the house is quiet and empty without them.

What's also surprising is how much we can enjoy a video or TV when we watch it but how little we actually miss it when we don't have it. When I was in university I used to watch a lot of TV. My roommates and I always had cable TV. And then one year I found myself with a small, 10 inch TV and no cable. All I had was one or two channels, and in poor quality. But I never missed it. Quite a comment on our habits that we can spend so much time on something that ultimately we hardly think about when it's not available or when we make a conscious decision to limit our use of it.

I wonder if we could apply that same logic to computer screen-time? And just when I got back into posting!

A Daddy and Daughter Day

So far today has been a special sort of adventure. And it's not the kind of adventure that happens too often. Today was a rare daddy-daughter day. Here's some of the things we did:

• Had donuts at Tim's
• Played Thomas and friends on her train table
• Played with Lego
• Ate macaroni and cheese (her favourite!) for lunch
• Made Pillsbury chocolate chip cookies for dessert
• Played hide 'n go seek with blankets and pillows
• Took her for a ride around the neighbourhood on her tricycle and visited our milkman
• Spent time playing on her slide in the backyard
• Went for a walk in the woods behind our house
• Tossed rocks and stones in a brook
• Came home, watched Veggie Tales and ate more chocolate chip cookies
• BBQed hot dogs for supper
• Visited our next-door neighbours (where she was given another cookie!)
• Had a much needed bath
• Got ready for bed
• Read bedtime stories and devotions
  
  

As you can see, it was a full day. As you can also see, it included a variety of "treatsies," as she calls them. What can I say, we don't have many days like this! Daddy gets to spoil his little girl on such occasions!

What I enjoyed about it is that it was completely silly time. It was completely non-work time. Once, when I was on the computer but not really working, she upbraided me and said, "No work! Play with me!" Wise words. While not overtly religious in any sense, our day together still had a Sabbath-like quality, and I was reminded about how necessary, even if difficult, it is to spend time this way. Of course, she had no trouble at all spending a day with me without doing any work. I guess I can learn from that!

The adventure of a night-time . . .

It's been an unusual couple of days.

It all started when I found out that I would have a funeral to do today--Sunday--and that we were also supposed to get a storm on this very day. And we did get some snow, but not nearly as much as they were forecasting. Good for us, since we had some driving to do.

For some reason, I ended up having real trouble working on the message for this funeral. Many of the family are not believers, though the deceased, a wonderful lady from our church, was. That makes knowing what to say and how to say it a little tricky and sensitive. This is especially so since this family have faced a number of similar losses over the last couple of years. Thankfully, the message did come together. I finished around 1am this morning. It wasn't my best sermon, that's for sure, but I was mostly pleased.

The next unusual occurrence happened after I finished this sermon. Like I said, I finished preparing the sermon late last night/early this morning and when I finally settled in our bed it was somewhere in the vicinity of 1:30am. And I had no sooner settled down (for a long winter's nap?) when our three-year old daughter woke up with what sounded like the croup. Poor girl, she sounded absolutely miserable. Exposing her to lots of steam by taking her into the bathroom with the shower water on hot and full didn't seem to break it. Neither did covering her up except for her face and taking her out in the cold. That's when the tele-care nurse suggested we take her to out-patients or emergency just to be safe. So we did. At 2:30am.

What's kind of funny about the story at this point is that once she was in our car, she began to become much more alert and awake, and she began talking up a storm, joking, singing, and generally acting very happy, even with the hoarse cough and raspy voice. Up until we left, she was beside herself with misery and just wanted to be left alone to sleep.

Emergency proved fruitless. After an hour and a half of waiting with no visible end in sight, we decided to take her back home. This was around 4:30am, and our decision was in part prompted by another young woman who let us know that she had been waiting since 9pm! Yikes! At that rate, we would have been there until sometime late morning. So we left for home and arrived, after a sleepy drive during which my wife diligently made sure I stayed awake, at around 5:30am. And then we crashed, pretty sure that if the storm didn't result in a cancelled Sunday school that we would not be going. But there was snow--and so we didn't have to make that choice.

The strangeness of the day didn't fully end there. I left my wife and little girl home while I trudged tiredly off to church to preach, and when I got there found out that my pianist would not be coming either because of the roads. Understandably so, since they were very messy. Our hymns, therefore, were improvised and sung a cappella. It more or less worked, but with the frame of mind I was in, it left an odd tint on the service. My mind was not entirely present to the proceedings.

And as a result of the snow, a church dinner was also postponed.

I did the funeral. My wife sang at the funeral. Ultimately, all went fine. Except for such glitches as forgetting the hard copy of some hymn lyrics, which my wife had to then sing by memory, and my knocking the TV power cord from the socket during the deceased's video tribute while slipping a note to the organist (which sounds rather clandestine, doesn't it?). Oddly, that caused little disturbance. One of the deceased's daughters more than graciously accepted my quick but sincere apology.

All in all, it just felt like an odd couple of days. A little left of normal. And after all was said and done, we just felt--unsurprisingly--very tired. We came home and basically did not do much of anything. I plan on doing much the same tomorrow. Well, not completely.

Through it all, I hope and pray that God was still at work, even though my ministry was performed through layers of exhaustion. Oddly enough, despite my lack of complete satisfaction with my own "performance," people who attended the funeral seemed genuinely appreciative of our ministry. That certainly says something about how God can use despite ourselves, especially after the adventure of a night-time when you're awake into the early hours with your sick little girl.