Too Quiet?

Something happens to me when my wife and daughter are away for a night or two. On those fairly regular occasions when they are away, usually at my in-laws, how I use my time changes. Because my evenings are normally taken up with family -- time putting my daughter to bed, time with my wife trying to relax after a busy day, etc. -- I find that when I am on my own my routine is no longer so. Obviously.

There's a part of me that relishes these times. It means that I can work a little easier and without certain constraints. Being the kind of guy who likes some solitude, I also gain a degree of quiet I wouldn't otherwise have. Therein lies the rub. What I gain is also a loss.

The quiet of a house where you are presently the only occupant is not the same as the quiet of a house where your little girl is asleep and you and your wife are reading in bed. The sheer presence of other people in a house, even if they are asleep or otherwise quiet themselves, gives off a certain vibe. Being the only person in the house gives off an entirely different vibe. When my wife and daughter aren't here, it's almost too quiet.

And so if I am alone, my tendency is to keep the TV on all evening. This is so even if I have no interest in watching anything. I remember a quote from the movie about C.S. Lewis, Shadowlands, when Lewis is speaking with a student and says, "We read to know we're not alone." Makes me wonder if this is why I keep the TV on during those evenings when I am sans family. While I have the chance for some quiet, it's not always the kind of quiet I like. This is also probably why I tend to stay up a little later when I'm alone, because once the lights are out, again, it's a quiet of a different kind. Having time like that is a mixed blessing.

When on my own in this way, I also find myself incredibly conscious of how much free time I have without family around. It's amazing how much time simple family time consumes. That's not a complaint, mind you, just the reality of family life. Becoming conscious of all that free time also reminds me of my single days in college when my TV was on for hours at a time for completely different reasons: because I didn't have a family and often literally had nothing better to do or at least no one to do them with. I had much more free time then! To that end, being alone also reminds me of how much a blessing family is. I love my family, and I can also enjoy the blessing of time apart from them, however brief, partly to remind me of how much I love them.